Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Sunday, February 12, 2006
The Shy One
Dear Col,
It sounds like your friends are only making a difficult situation worse. There's nothing worse than being 'labelled' and that's what they're doing to you. The trouble is that once we have a reputation or a label for being one way or another, it can make things worse. Sometimes it feels almost easier to live up to that repuation rather than do anything to contradict it, so it encourages 'shy' or 'quiet' people to retreat even more into their shells. But remember, always, that these labels are other peoples' ideas and you don't have to adopt them or believe in them. Think up some new ones for yourself, that you'll be happy with.....maybe something along the lines of 'well I may be 'quieter than some people' but I'd rather be that way than be noisy and loud, or over-confident and pushy'....... Or tell yourself that your shyness comes from your being more sensitive to other people (which it may well do) and that you therefore take other peoples' comments rather more to heart than most. In which case you could describe yourself as 'sensitive' rather than 'shy' or 'quiet'.
That may help you shake off your reactions to those labels and help you see some of your own innate good qualities that make you the way you are.
And being 'shy' or 'quiet' isn't necessarily all bad. It probably does mean you're far more sensitve than many of those brash noisy people we all meet. And that could be a great asset....because sensitive people often have an ability to put themsleves in other's shoes and therefore make really good friends.
Does any of that make sense to you?
Dilys
It sounds like your friends are only making a difficult situation worse. There's nothing worse than being 'labelled' and that's what they're doing to you. The trouble is that once we have a reputation or a label for being one way or another, it can make things worse. Sometimes it feels almost easier to live up to that repuation rather than do anything to contradict it, so it encourages 'shy' or 'quiet' people to retreat even more into their shells. But remember, always, that these labels are other peoples' ideas and you don't have to adopt them or believe in them. Think up some new ones for yourself, that you'll be happy with.....maybe something along the lines of 'well I may be 'quieter than some people' but I'd rather be that way than be noisy and loud, or over-confident and pushy'....... Or tell yourself that your shyness comes from your being more sensitive to other people (which it may well do) and that you therefore take other peoples' comments rather more to heart than most. In which case you could describe yourself as 'sensitive' rather than 'shy' or 'quiet'.
That may help you shake off your reactions to those labels and help you see some of your own innate good qualities that make you the way you are.
And being 'shy' or 'quiet' isn't necessarily all bad. It probably does mean you're far more sensitve than many of those brash noisy people we all meet. And that could be a great asset....because sensitive people often have an ability to put themsleves in other's shoes and therefore make really good friends.
Does any of that make sense to you?
Dilys
'The Shy One'
Dear Dilys,
I've got a reputation among my friends for being the shy one. I know I'm quiet and most of them are much more confident than me but i get fed up with knowing they think this about me. It makes my shyness worse...and makes me more conscious every time we're out of what they must be thinking of me. And if I don't speak up and join in, then they call me quiet. And that too makes things worse. Sometimes I wish I could just move away and make a fresh start with new friends and then I might be able to be a bit more confident.
Col
I've got a reputation among my friends for being the shy one. I know I'm quiet and most of them are much more confident than me but i get fed up with knowing they think this about me. It makes my shyness worse...and makes me more conscious every time we're out of what they must be thinking of me. And if I don't speak up and join in, then they call me quiet. And that too makes things worse. Sometimes I wish I could just move away and make a fresh start with new friends and then I might be able to be a bit more confident.
Col
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