Dear Dilys is the name of an Advice Column I write here in the UK for a number of local newspapers in the south of England.
At this time of year, I regularly receive letters from people who are lonely. In fact, quite a big proportion of my postbag is from people who are lonely at any time of year......young single mums stuck at home with small children; 30-somethings who can't seem to get beyond a first date; over-50's who've recently become single again; or over 60's who don't believe they'll ever get over the loss of a life-time partner.
But at New Year, everyone's loneliness seems somehow exaggerated. This may be to do with the pressure of 'having to have fun' on New Year's Eve and the idea that there therefore needs to be a 'special someone' with whom to share the moment, or it may be to do with the fact that everyone around seems to be making optimistic plans for the future.....which only makes the loneliness of the singletons feel worse as they have no one to share their plans and dreams.
Whatever the cause, I feel there are probably lots of tips that lonely people could usefully share. Also, those that have moved on out of loneliness and found themselves some friends could surely pass on some helpful ideas to others.
I have some ideas myself which I'll be posting here. But all thoughts, ideas and suggestions are welcome.
One of the key points about people who are lonely is that they are not necessarily looking for love, or for a partner. They're much more likely to be wanting to build up a network of good, solid friends. For isn't that how we get much of our sustenance through life? And isn't that how we meet other people anyway...through our good friends...?
So....those are my inital thoughts. Let me know yours.
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This is the key issue that I'm hoping others will help with.
My first - and probably best - tip is to get out of the house. No one ever made new friends sitting at home.
And surely the easiest way to meet people and make friends is by trying to find people who share a common interest. So, seek out local groups or clubs where you'll meet like-minded people.
That's always a good start.
I'd like to quote from a letter typical of many I receive....and ask if any of you have any suggestions for this person? It's an all too common problem in this fast-moving world. So any advice/tips or comments would be welcome.
I am a single woman of 32 who’s not yet found a man and have a number of girlfriends in the same boat. We meet men via friends, at parties or dinners, fix up a date, enjoy it…. then never hear from them again. It’s almost as if there’s a conspiracy! We never get the chance to take a relationship forwards and are left feeling lonely. Is it because men today don’t want to commit? Or are we frightening them off?
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